Tackling PPD

Avery is going to wake up in a couple minutes, so I’m typing fast. Poor little muffin gets her shots today. I know there are alot of people against immunizations, but I for one, am just fine with them. Yes there are all kinds of things in there that might cause other problems, but today’s kids don’t die of the same diseases that they did a generation ago. so then, today is shots day.

I get to talk to my health nurse about my appointment with Mental Health. YAY for feeling like crap at THAT meeting. I don’t think I blogged about that yet. I know I’m having Post Partum Depression again, so I went to talk to the lady at Mental health. I know I’m not going to beat this very fast if I don’t get help. So I sit down at this meeting and the Lady makes me feel like I’m in the principal’s office. She is basically tells me that I can take drugs if I want to, or I could get counseling if I want to, but they probably wont help. Then she says I new to get better to get better. Bad logic? Yeah! So I left and made my Mom take me for a screamer! Now thats therapy!

Anyways, here I am a couple weeks later feeling a bit better about things, but not looking forward to the “How did your appointment go?” question. I suppose at the same time, the thought that nothing will work for me has made me step up to the plate a bit and deal with the things I can deal with. I know I need to take care of my health in more was than just mentally. I’ve been trying to find ways to fit in time for mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional health.

I’ve made it to spin class two weeks in a row. I started taking the Generations discipleship part-time school. I’m trying to find time to just sit and read a book, so I started the Capricious Monolith Book Club (join it!). and I’m using a Fake Moleskine, “Getting Things Done” system to keep track of the things in my head so I stop forgetting everything.

So this has been a better week. Plus I’m looking forward to next week! Kayaking on Monday and then heading to Loon Lake on Tuesday for our Anniversary week! YAY!

Avery is waking up, so I’d better start my day!

My Kayaking Adventure

I think I’m going to have to blog this post in 2 parts today. Avery has her shots in half an hour and I’ll have to get ready to go pretty soon, but I just feel like blogging.

I had the most fantastic day ever on monday!!! A friend for church and a few the youth took me Kayaking! It was one of the most amazing days! It was nice to get away for the day too. Morgan looked after both the girls and I got a day off. Much needed once in a while. I’ve decided to say I earned a day off from all the pumping I had to do for Avery. She enjoyed some quick frozen entrees while I hit the lake. We spent about 6 hours out on the lake. We stopped on this tiny Island for lunch and continued on our way. My friend had a waterproof camera, so she’s getting me some pictures. Maybe even tonight.

I know it’s not a Kayak, but at least its a picture I took on a canoeing trip

At the end of the day I even got to try balancing and laying out on the water half out of my Kayak and then half of a roll. They called it a wet exit I think. I wanted to roll the whole way, but I ended up just pulling of the spray skirt and getting out. It was so awesome! Especially after Sunday’s post. I’m really hoping I get to go again another time. I think I could definitely get into Kayaking. The only problems I see are a) the cost of buying Kayaks and b)2 small children don’t kayak well. So I might have to wait a bit to really get into it.

In other news, I’m going to be a guest blogger on The Informal Matriarch. I’ll be blogging on thursdays for the Month of August because the Matriarch herself is brave enough to unplug from the interwebs for the month whole month. I’m looking forward to writing for her. I’m trying to think of good Ideas to blog about. I’ve only ever blogged for me, so I’m not sure what I would write for her blog. Ideas anyone? When I post them, I’ll be sure to link so you can read them too

We are going to Kipp and Georgias wedding tomorrow!! Woot! I’m soo excited. Emily gets to wear her flower girl dress that the flower girl in our wedding wore. I have a cute dress that Aves is going to wear too. I cant wait for tomorrows photographic awesomeness. I on the other hand have no idea what I’m going to wear. I don’t exactly have a dress wardrobe for having just had a baby. So we’ll have to make something up later today. I suppose I should look earlier so that if I can’t come up with anything I could still go to town and look for something. Not that finding something in size “big momma” is easy in this town.

Well I think its time to get read now. I’ll post this later and at least find a pic or 2 that will work until I get the real ones

Self Care Failure

I forgot to mention that Emily cut her hair ALL BY HERSELF!! I got there just in time to see her snip. Special moment for a mom. Its almost as much of a milestone as first steps or losing baby teeth. Most kids attempt the haircut thing either on themselves or their sibling. Lucky for me, Emily cut vertically instead of horizontally. Otherwise I’d be trying to figure out how to mach the other side without turning my kid Emo. At least she doesn’t have a mullett like I did.

I felt so horrible yesterday and then early this morning too. Im not sure if I ate something funky or what. I’ve never actually had the 24 hour flu before, so I doubt that was it. Mostly because I always get the week long flu. None of this feeling better in the morning stuff for me. I really can’t think of what I ate, but I felt so icky. Feeling nauseated takes me right back to the beginning of both of my pregnancies. I love my girls, but I really don’t think I could hack being prego again. My body might never recover. I’m so done with hospitals too.

Ooh yeah. Emily is back to being potty trained through the whole day! YAY! she was doing great, but then we had a baby and moved to Kamloops. I suppose its perfectly normal for her to feel a bit overwhelmed and forget to do things like pee in the potty. I love that we are making progress again. I sooo did not want 2 in diapers at the same time. Makes the work double!

Avery is 2 months old this week and when we went to weigh her today we were pleasantly surprised. She’s 9lbs 0.1oz! All that from 5lbs 14oz just over 2 months ago. We are all in amazement. She is growing very well. I’m not looking forward to her shots next week though.

Wow this blog is all over the place. I guess thats how my brain feels today. All over. Like right now this is where my thinking is: I have to get some laundry done, I should finish the dishes, Emily needs a bath, I never get to play guitar anymore, I think I’ll make a smoothy, why does my webcam turn everything red, Avery is so cute when she’s sleeping, I wonder when my mail will get here, I need a haircut…and so on and so on. That’s just an average few minutes worth of thoughts.

Today at the drop in we did a self-care quiz with a lady from mental health. Apparently I need counseling. I didn’t score very well on the quiz. I don’t really think I’m rotten at taking care of me, but I guess I am. There were some categories that were ok if you weren’t good at, but others had stars beside them. The stars meant that I needed to get help. Nice. Now I’m a psycho too. I don’t know any Moms who take amazing care of themselves with a new baby. When baby has to eat, Mom has to wait. that’s just how it is. I know I shouldnt think that selfcare is selfish, but I suppose I think it is. Maybe I don’t think its selfish in my head, but when I watch how I prioritize my day, I realize that selfcare ends up last on the list. With the exception of blogging and a cup of coffee, Im pretty bad at doing things for me. I didn’t even blog very much for a long time because it was too low on the totem pole. Hey, maybe thats why I don’t bother to actually do my hair. Anyways, I’ll have to spend sometime thinking of things I can do to take care of me. maybe later…haha

Makin Some Coin

I’m doing a bunch of laundry today because I’m taking some things to the consignment store. I’ve got a bunch of maternity clothes that I didn’t even wear when I was prego. Most of the shirts were too short. Short shirts weren’t even attractive in the 80’s. Seriously! I like taking things that are still in good condition to the consignment store. Its like adding money to my wardrobe budget. Plus it gets stuff out of my closet, and I really don’t love clutter. Its a pain in the but to re-wash things before I take them, but It’ll be worth it. I might even get my butt in gear and take the mountain of pop can bags to the recycle place today. Gotta love making some coin on stuff you don’t want.

My grampa collects cans when he walks his dog on the side of the highway. He takes them in and calls it his allowance. My guess is that it all ends up at Tim Hortons anyways. haha. One time a tree planter looking hitch hiker stopped and gave my grampa like a $1.50. I guess he thought “poor old man is hard up for cash if he’s collecting cans.” Sooo funny. Another time he found an entire case of beer next to a bush. I think some teenager was pretty upset because his secret stash was gone. haha.

Emily told us the weirdest story at dinner time yesterday. I’m going to try and remember it.

“There was this man at the school today. He was giganormous! He blocked the door, so no one could get in the school and we had to go home. Then we went back today and he was still in the way because he was really really big. So we pushed him over and he broke into glass. Then we had to clean him all up into the garbage. “

I’m pretty sure the hemp hearts I put in her oatmeal don’t have the brain altering chemicals in her, but I seriously have no idea where this came from. It was really funny because she was so serious about her story. She kept mentioning over and over how huge the guys was. We were having a hard time not laughing in her face. Man my daughter is one weird ducky!

ooo the sun is coming out. YAY! I think I’m going to go check the mail for my parcels…I can’t hardly wait!
ck4jynufim

Speaking of Nuts…

I had fun at playgroup this morning. I got my time’s all messed up, so we were late. I wasn’t even doing anything interesting. Just mindless surfing and sippin the Java. Oh well, at least we made it there. One of the things I like about playgroup or the drop-in or anywhere that I take my kids where there are other people is that I seem to have oodles more patience with Emily. This does not apply to the grocery store for some reason. Hmm. More research will have to be done on the effects of grocery stores on children. I really like taking Emily out to play with other kids. For the most part, she behaves herself much better than she does at home. Oh my, why is that? I guess I’m happy it isn’t the other way around. It’d be something special if she was an angel at home but a deranged psychopath in public.

Its raining here today. I really don’t mind the rain except that I enjoy saying “Emily, go play on the deck!!” Thats my favorite morning pass time when I start getting a little nuts! Speaking of nuts, yesterdays bacon bits in oatmeal got me thinking about what other things I could put in Emilys oatmeal. I usually end up just chucking an unsweetened fruitcup in there. So this morning Em got raisens, her usual probiotics, hemp hearts(omegas!) and a scoop of cashew almond butter. It was a random thought, but I thought “If it tastes good in oatmeal cookies, why not in oatmeal. I think tomorrow I’ll try sunflower seed butter. Thats my favorite. Also a good choice for my peanut free readers!(luvluv)

I keep thinking Avery gets her shots tomorrow, but thats next week. I’m not looking forward to that! ooo theres another controversial thing I could write about. Immunizing your children. Do I think its the right thing to do or not. Well obviously, I think its right for us to do or I wouldn’t. Just another example of where I think parents really need to do what they need to do.

I’m all antsy for my parcels to arrive in the mail. Can you believe it, a grown woman excited about diapers…sad. I also ordered a couple of diaper sacks for the dirty ones and a nursing tank from bravado. So I’m excited about those too. I love getting stuff In the mail. Its a good things I’m trying to be thrifty mom or I’d shop online ALL the time. I think I’m going to go play some dumb video games for a bit and let my brain turn off and reboot. And then I’m making fantastic rice, black bean, corn, salsa, burritos and maybe even some corn tortilla. We’ll see how crazy I get.

Not Me Monday

“Are you feeling guilty for leaving the windows open to catch a breeze when you know the air is on? Feel like a bag lady for wearing the same shirt for days on end? Get tricked by a fake news story and feel foolish? We’ll don’t! Not Me! Monday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I’d rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!” – MckMama

I decided to let you in on the things I most certainly did not do. For example, when Emily woke up this morning I didn’t tell her to go watch T.V. , pick up Aves and go back to bed, leaving my 3 year old to decide what to watch. She came into my room and asked for breakfast, so I didn’t tell her to go watch more T.V. and I’d be there in a minute. That’s just not something I would do.

When I finally drug my butt out of bed and made Emily oatmeal, I didn’t give in to her copious amounts of whining and let her have bacon bits in her oatmeal. I wouldn’t give in to a whiner or put bacon in cereal.

I’m not currently chilling in my pajamas while ignoring Em as she throws toys off the deck. I’m an attentive parent who supervises her daughter at all times.

All of that and its only 9:30am. I am not having a bad morning at all and I’m not going to go pour another cup of coffee in hopes of coping better.

Sleep Training the Baby

A moment of time to myself. It’s kinda nice. Morgan is playing piano and Emily gets to play in the music room when he does. Avery is attempting to fall asleep un-assisted. We are starting to let her cry a bit to fall asleep. It feels heartless, but it worked amazingly with Emily and we’d love to have another good sleeper. She already sleeps pretty decent for a newborn. So we’ll see how this goes.

With Emily we read this book called “Babywise”. It was recommended by a good friend who had followed the principles in it with three of her kids before I’d had Emily. Its definitely a controversial book and for the most part I have to keep my mouth shut about it and the methods it uses for sleep training. I go to drop in parenting groups in town and they are big proponents of attachment parenting. For the most part they are fans of things like co-sleeping, wearing your baby, and breastfeeding until Jr. High. They are really serious about not letting your baby cry ever.

I guess I just see it differently. Firstly, I’m not a co-sleeper because both my girls are noisy sleepers and I like to sleep. Plus I already have to share my bed with Morgan, and I’d rather not add to that even though we have a king size. I don’t mind wearing Aves in a sling or snugly, but it really doesn’t have to be all the time. I’m even on the side of breastfeeding. It didn’t work with Em, so I pumped for six months so she could have the benefit of breast milk. And with Avery, I plan on breastfeeding for at least a year. Technically, I’m on the same team as the attachment parents, I just do things differently. If you take ten minutes to hand out with Emily who didn’t sleep in or bed, got carried around sometimes, bottle fed with formula supplemented and cried herself to sleep for a short period of time, you will find a girl who is very attached to her parents. She’s also very independent, social, care-free, and well adjusted. She hasn’t suffered at all.

I felt I should explain myself so I don’t come across as harsh, unloving, and stone hearted towards my tiny little preemie baby. I love her dearly, and want her to get good sleep too. One lady at the drop-in parenting meeting actually told me that if my baby slept “through the night she might get SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)”. WHAT? She said that as if my baby could contract a cold. Get SIDS? I do all the things that are recommended to avoid that. Maybe I’m not as worried about that because I believe that God is in control of my life and my kids lives. Either way, it’s a bit harsh to say “your parenting choice could kill your kid”. Special moment much?

Morgan is listening to Jars of Clay “Crazy times” downstairs. I used to love that song! It was one of the most complicated songs I could play on my guitar when I was first learning. Wow that’s a long time ago. Anyways…I get sidetracked easily.

My newest news is that I’m changing things up Blog style. I’ve been looking at a few different sites to blog on, and what the capabilities are. I’m bored with this wordpress site, so I had planned on switching to squarespace, but I haven’t found it to be THAT much better. It helps that I have free hosting, so I can host my own Wordpress and choose my own template. I’ve found one that I like, but I haven’t decided to fork over the moolah yet. We’ll see. It’s silly because I want a blog that isn’t so word heavy. I like pictures to much for the way my blog looks right now. There’s also some collaborative events in the upcoming blog future. I can’t wait to tell you, but I’m going to have to wait until the transition with my blog is complete. Soon…very soon!

Coffee Time

In our house coffee is not so much a favorite past time, but an important part of a complete breakfast. Most people don’t have more than one coffee maker, but like many things in our life MK and I are unable to share coffee makers. Two Computers, Two cars, Two toothbrushes(whew), Two coffee makers. This one is practical given that I’m drinking decaf for Avery’s sake. I had caffinated coffee yesterday because I couldn’t breastfeed Aves. It was like being ALIVE! I can see how someone could quit smoking and start again. I didn’t drink coffee almost at all since last September. Several of those months were due to copious amounts of pukage and an extreme dislike for food at all.  I’m not saying I’m an addict, but the first step is denial right?

Day 2 of fighting Thrush with all our superpowers combined. 24 hours of letting my body recover and 32 ounces of pumped milk down the drain *tear* and we are back on track. Avery isn’t nursing as well as before, but clearly her mouth still hurts. We’ll get there. I have more determination than I had before. I’m even going to try to be one of those Mom’s who can nurse in a sling. Maybe not grocery shopping, but capable for an emergency long lineup at Save-on.

I’ve been thinking alot about healthy eating again. It’s been really hard to eat much of anything healthy for the last little while. My life is starting to calm down and I’m looking forward to eating real food again. So my goal is to consume the rest of the junk in our house and not bring any other junk home. I think it will be pretty hard since my sister started working at DQ again and cheap blizzards make me happy.  I want to get going back to my GYM whenever I feel I  am up to spin class again. I’m trying to get out walking whenever I can, but this weeks rain put us behind on that one.

Apparently, I’m a bit of a bad influence when it comes to junk food(so I’ve been told). So from now on, I’m going to try and be the good influence.  The influence that doesn’t feel guilty giving her child 2 m&m’s, but eats the whole BIG bag herself. The influence that doesn’t put flax seed on her daughters cereal while eating cinnamon toast crunch or pizza for breakfast. The influence that doesn’t like to buy organic fresh veggies, but forgets to cook them till they are yucky.

I know dieting while nursing is a bad idea, but having a healthy diet while nursing is a GOOD idea. So that’s the new plan. I think the truck that drove through the front door of Husky was a sign to avoid going there for screamers. Maybe if they had have just stole the slushie machines this wouldn’t have been a problem!

So I think I’ll go have some All-bran buds on Yogurt and a nectarine for breakfast. Breakfast that has already passed by…haha

Cousins

I wish it was sunnier today. We were going to go down to the park and play in the creek.  Can’t soak my kid down on a cloudy breezy day. Not so fun. At least I wouldn’t be worried about the pastey white girl getting burnt, but the scrawny lil thing would probably get really cold. So here’s a couple pics from when it was warmer earlier this week.

My Auntie Debbie and my cousin Shelby came for a visit yesterday. Had to meet their little niece Avery.  Shelbys little girl Rowan is getting SO big already. Rowan and Aves are only 6 weeks apart, but you would guess alot farther. I took a few pics of the girls al together. They are going to have such fun together next summer when the babies turn into toddlers.

So Happy!

Strangely enough I’m not wishing this stage away. Avery is just cute and cuddley. She sleeps pretty good and eats well. She’s WAY less fussey than Emily was! Woo hoo! I keep waiting for that to kick in. Emily was really colic-ey.

Heres a few from Bath time!

Garage Sailing!

I made a lovely lunch of asian noodle soup. Im not sure I could label is chinese or japanese. I’ll call is Courtesian soup. Noodles, boullion, and green onion. Souper simple. I know spell check saw it too. I meant to pun it. I think thats just the mood Im in. Morgan was a hero and let me actually sleep last night. He fed Aves twice, so I slept for 7 hours! YAY! I feel like I could take on the world today. 

We played out on the deck this morning. I put both girls in their bikini’s. Emily’s is a bit small and Avery’s is HUGE! It was cute though. We filled up the pool and Emily brought ALL her bath toys out to play. Avery had a snack on the deck which bring us to 6 days of nursing! YAY. Its a miracle! And it is actually working too. Emily wouldnt nurse at all. So I’m actually surprised to be nursing Avery, especially after our rough start. I’d like to thank Shelby for her encouragement to Fight it! Keep trying. Thanks!

I’m trying to decide what to do today. Im thinking a bit of one of my favy hobbies: Garage Sailing! Come people like yacht sailing, I like Sailing in garages. Boy that sounds weird. But I love it. The last time we went was the day before I have Avery. Who knows what treasures we’ll find today.

Its the relay for life today too, so we’ll walk in the park for a while. They have good kids games and stuff too. Morgan is playing in the band with my Dad tonight. I’ll try and stay for a bit of it, but the girls will probably be getting tired by then. I will too. haha. 

Time to feed Aves and go sailing!

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